I am having some trouble with my son, "Charlie". This past spring, he got married. He and his bride decided to exclude my other son's children, two boys aged 6 and 9, from their wedding festivities. We are a close-knit family, and this was very disappointing to his nephews. I tried to convince him that his actions were hurtful, but he would not listen. Things were said in anger, and as a result, I and my family chose not to attend the wedding if everyone would not be invited.
Since then, he has cut off all communication with us, he won't take or return our calls, and he even "un-friended" his brother on Facebook. My grandchildren's birthdays came and went, and he didn't bother to send a card or even call them to wish them happy birthday.
Prudie, this is not how I raised my son to behave, and it's the kids who are suffering most from this family feud. My heart breaks for them. With the holidays approaching, they're sure to ask why Uncle Charlie hasn't come. They must feel as though he doesn't love them. How do I encourage him to make amends? I just want our family to be whole again.
-Miserable Matriarch
Emily Yoffe: You say you didn't raise your son to escalate small disagreements into major breaches, but, Mom, you led the rest of the family into a boycott of your son's wedding ceremony! I'd say he's absorbed the upbringing you gave him very well. Your son and his wife didn't want children at the wedding. That is a perfectly reasonable decision to make, even if two of the children excluded were his nephews. It may have annoyed everyone, but what the people with children do is hire a babysitter, keep their complaints to themselves, and enjoy child-free afternoon.
You can try the politician's passive "mistakes were made" locution, but you and the others who didn't go made a whopper of a mistake. Own up. Write a sincere letter of apology saying you made bad decision of your life by not going to the wedding, and the estrangement is tearing everyone apart. Ask their forgiveness and invite the newlyweds out for a peace dinner. Your other son should send his own letter if he would like to repair relations. Do it now -- maybe this Thanksgiving you can all share a family meal.
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4 comments:
This woman is delusional!
"My grandchildren's birthdays came and went, and he didn't bother to send a card or even call them to wish them happy birthday. ...My heart breaks for them. With the holidays approaching, they're sure to ask why Uncle Charlie hasn't come. They must feel as though he doesn't love them.... ...it's the kids who are suffering most from this family feud."
The kids are not bawling their eyes out and slitting their wrists because an uncle didn't call them on their birthday! Come on! The kids probably didn't even notice! Kids might be upset if a parent didn't call them, but they don't care about what the hell their uncle is doing!! Most kids only care about their aunts and uncles if they have kids the same age, because then they are excited to see their cousins. Doesn't sound like that's the case here.
Also, if the kids were SOOOOOO close to Uncle Charlie that they cry every night he's not around, I'm sure he'd have made an exception for them at the wedding.
With a drama queen mother like this, no wonder the guy isn't speaking to the family!
Finally! An advice columnist who makes sense.
Wow...overreact much? So the couple decided to have a kidfree wedding as as a result this woman (I almost wrote something else but decided not to) convinced her ENTIRE FAMILY to boycott the wedding? OK, now I'll say it: WHAT A BITCH!
I would LOVE to hear the son's side of THIS one!
Why do people forget that the wedding day is about the COUPLE GETTING MARRIED, not about the people getting invited? Its their wedding, so if they want to plan a kid-free celebration, that's within their rights. I didn't have alcohol at my wedding, but it didn't keep the drinkers away. They stashed their hooch and joined the festivities.
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